Monday, December 5, 2011

Focus



Lately, I said I would be focusing on things differently.

I said that I wanted to find joy in my home.

I said I wanted to find balance in motherhood.

I said that I wanted this blog to be a place that I can be real.

I said I wanted to connect to my readers and other blogs.

I said I would be a better friend, daughter, mother, wife.

I said I would make Christmas a special time for my daughter.

I have failed.

Sure I've gone through the motions. Decorated the tree. Made Reese's first ornament. Attended meetings. Made plans. Organized events. Honored my commitments.

But I have felt o-ver-whelmed. Scatterbrained. Anxious. Lost.

I haven't opened my bible in weeks. Ugh, I know.

Most days I have literally felt sick.

I have been struggling through a haze. I haven't been able to think clearly. I haven't really been spiraling, haven't really been stumbling, just haven't really been........what?

It's the holidays. I have a man who loves me. I have an incredible daughter. We are going home soon. I have more than enough. So why doesn't it feel like enough?

Then, of all people, my mother brought it all together for me. She gave me perspective, as mothers do, from 3000 miles away. And I bet she didn't even realize it.

At churches across the country they have started playing Christmas carols during the musical worship.

She told me they played Oh, Come All Ye Faithful at her church and it was like she was hearing it for the first time.

That's what I was missing.

God's voice. His will.

I haven't opened my bible in weeks, how could I be hearing anything?

I wasn't seeking Him, wasn't following in his footsteps. I was hearing the words but I wasn't really hearing the words.

I have been spending time worrying over packing lists, shopping lists, social responsibilities, material things. Earthly things.

I haven't been focused on what Christmas is really about.

I just needed a little focus.

Thanks for reminding me, Mama.

8 comments:

  1. Yay! I am so glad you shared this on here! :) It's so hard to be the "superwoman" version of ourselves. We need to remember that we can only do so much, and God takes care of the rest. :)

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  2. Love. This.

    Yesterday I put on Christian Christmas Music in my house as I cooked and it made a world of difference. I had been listening to hours of "Holiday Music", but it paled in comparison to the Christmas spirit I got from True Christmas music.

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  3. Gave me CHILLS! I LOVE this post - mainly because I see myself in it, too. I agree with what Erin said about trying to be our "superwoman" selves. It's hard - and it rarely happens. Maybe our earthly expectations of being the perfect wife, mother, daughter, friend, are too high. We should only expect that GOD will make us just the perfect amount of "superwoman" for His will.

    Thanks for sharing this - the pictures bring it home for me. So great :)

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  4. I think, for me, this is a year round struggle, of going through the motions vs heart driven action... but the holiday season throws everything into sharper light. When I really do focus on celebrating the hope of a God who came to earth for me, of the joy in giving and of extra special family time then there is so much more peace in my heart!

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  5. What a wonderful post!! This time of year is so tough. What a great reminder to all of us to just take a breath and focus on what is really important

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  6. This is great. Reminds me of something our associate pastor when she preached this past Sunday. Among so many great things, she talked about how to have peace and how peace is not the absense of the bad stuff but it's His presence that is with us through the bad stuff. Relating it back to your blog post, she also said that people often feel like they just don't have that peace. And the first question you need to ask yourself if you feel like that is, Am I spending time with Him? If you are, you'll feel that peace more naturally. If you're not, you'll feel stressed and out of focus.
    Thank you for a reaffirmation of what I felt touch my spirit on Sunday. May your family feel His peace and focus this special season.

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  7. Girl, i just found your cute blog and love it. thanks for your honesty in this post, reminds me to focus on what Christmas is really about - Christ! and to make sure i am in the Word. i'm your newest follower!

    XO
    erin

    sweetnessitself.blogspot.com

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