Being a Christian is like shampooing your hair.
I tried to come up with a better opening line a million times, but that's all I've got.
I guess I could've said, it is weird being a Christian and being "in the know" now. I wasn't always a Christian. I used to be
And I was right. Because now that I myself am a Christian I look in the mirror and say what a hypocrite.
The thing I didn't realize before is that being a Christian basically means you see your own hypocrisy and recognize your need for Jesus. And you accept Him and then
And what's so weird is that every morning you forget again. You think I'm a good person.. I'm a Christian or they would never do that.. they're a Christian. And you forget that we are all just sinful people. That we all do things, or say things sometimes that really hurt and that, quite frankly, aren't very "Christian". Except for that they totally are because like I said earlier, we're all a bunch of hypocrites.
This week alone, I lost my cool with my kids, got in a big fight with my husband, got upset at people and didn't tell them but just stayed angry on the inside, got upset at other people and blew it way out of proportion, didn't do even one day in my bible study AND ended up having to leave my women's group early and started selling tickets for the yearly Christian conference I run for the Christian women's network I'm on the core team for.
What. A. Hypocrite.
Not that I want to sin, I don't. Not that I think it's ok to sin, I don't. If you have a relationship with someone you want to serve them, to love them, to make them proud of you and happy. You want to talk to them every day and spend time with them. You want to ask for clarification about things you don't understand and, if you're anything like me, you want to set your jaw, squint your eyes and argue your point about things you disagree with. But all in all, if you have a loving relationship with someone you do all these things and act in certain ways because you LOVE them and you want to show them.
And you know what? There is so much grace. So so so much grace. And not in a it's ok because I work really hard to be a good Christian
And that feels so weird.
And honestly, so hard for me to accept. When I actually became a Christian and was forgiven, that forgiveness was easy to accept. I mean, yes… what I did before
No. The sin now- the lesser feeling sin that I can talk about and the darker sin that I'd never tell anyone- this sin feels heavy to lay at the cross. Because it feels like I'm responsible for it. And it feels like I'm supposed to be an example- to my children, to my husband, to the internet, to the friends I have that are christians and especially to those I have that aren't.
But y'all, I am a terrible example. There is nothing good in me apart from God. And it's weird that now that I'm a Christian I feel like there should be. Like my hard work and my striving and my blog posts and my conference and my parenting technique are anything apart from the blood of Jesus.
So can I just be honest and say don't look at me? And don't look at yourself? And don't look at that other mother, that other blogger, that other Christian, that other woman? Just look to God. Just lay it down… lay it all down at Jesus' feet. And wake up tomorrow and fail (along with me) and lay it all down again.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.